My Buddy

I promise this will be the last post about our dog, but Tony wanted to write one last farewell.  From Tony:

My Buddy

I think everything in life happens for a reason. Biz and I met, we married and moved to where we live now. On our trips to town we often drove by a farm. This farm had a huge sign, and on this sign we assumed was the farmers name in huge letters “Elmer Dorn”. As we drove by this sign, I would always say “if we ever get a dog that will be his name”. Sure enough some time passed and I saw an ad for a Lab rescue place called LEARN. We contacted them and they had an adoptable dog. His name was Slim. After home visits and interviews they said we could adopt Slim. I drove to where Slim was living and brought him home. On the way I went to pick up my Son Joey. As Joey got in the car Slim jumped onto Joeys lap, and thus their friendship began. We renamed Slim. We named him ED. It was Elmer Dorn’s initials.

Ed was my buddy. He was always at the door, his huge tail smacking into everything. He was always so excited to see us. He was at his best the happiest dog I have ever known. I used to take him to a park that had a huge unmowed field. He would bound out of the car and jump into the weeds. He enjoyed that time the most of all. Labs need to run and he loved it. Like most people and animals he had some idiosyncrasies. He hated when Biz and I kissed and hugged. He hated seafood. He loved grapes and most veggies. He hated kids. I know that seems weird. For the friendliest dog to hate kids never made sense to us. We always assumed before he came into our lives he was tortured by a kid. If anyone wore a blanket on their back and walked by Ed he would attack and hump that person into submission. It was always hilarious.

I will spend the rest of my life wondering if putting Ed down was the right thing to do. Logic tells me it was the only thing to do. My thoughts go to looking at his trusting face, knowing I was killing my friend. “If only’s” seem to be my problem. If only we waited, if only he didn’t this or that.

I can honestly say I loved Ed. I have had some great dogs in my life. My childhood dog was Ginger. She was a mixed breed, and also had a heart of gold. I found Ginger having a seizure and rushed her to the vet. She never came home. I next had Coco. Coco was a huge Chocolate Lab. I lost Coco when my ex and I separated. Ed was the first time I have ever been responsible for the death of my dog. It needed to happen, but that does not take my guilt away.

I’m not sure if I want another Dog. This hurts way too much. Hopefully time heals all wounds, but this one is leaving a mark.

Good Bye Eddie, I will miss you.

Yesterday when I got up, once I start making noise that usually woke Eddie up and he would come out of the bedroom.  It was so weird for that not to happen, or for him to race to the refrigerator whenever I opened it in the hopes of getting a treat. Sad smile

So remember the mini yogurt quiches I made earlier in the week?  I ended up only baking two of them and had half the dough left, and made another two yesterday for breakfast for me and my boss.  The results were just as delicious.  Since this dough is so quick to put together, I think I’ll make it at least once a week and then bake it off in the morning as needed.

snow 005 copy

With my head in a fog, I did something I normally don’t do.  I gave myself the exact amount of insulin I would need for my breakfast, so that when I went to test it before working out, it was only 95.  Which is perfect, but I needed it to be in the 200’s before working out.  So I went to the store to pick up groceries for my Souper Friday today –on the menu is Winter Minestrone Soup with rosemary artisan bread.  The soup recipe will be posted tomorrow.

Lunch was leftover pork stew and some toast.  My boss declared this “delicious!” and didn’t even realize that it was pork and not beef!

snow 008

Well Mother Nature is getting back at us for our lack of snow this year.  Why she chose to dump it on us in February, when everyone is quite done with winter, is beyond me.  At lunch it was just rain, but by 2:00, big fat flakes were falling from the sky.  I managed to leave at 4:50.  I have a 15 mile commute.  Guess what time I got home? 


Yep, it took me nearly 3 hours to drive home last night.  And here’s a tip I need to share.  Always wipe off the top of your car of snow, not just the windows.  I was on a hilly road when all of a sudden all the snow from the roof covered my windshield and the wipers weren’t strong enough to wipe it away.  Luckily we were stopped, so I jumped out quickly and used my arm to get the snow off before the motor burned out on the wipers – whew!

So by the time I changed clothes, it was after 8 and I had no desire to fix anything for dinner.  So Jack in the Box Tacos came to the rescue.  I think the original recipe I had made at least 16 tacos. 

snow 010

I was so hungry and made three tacos.  I literally said to myself “I’ll just give Eddie what i won’t eat.”  I ended up eating 2 1/2 of them.

So Thursday night is garbage night, and I had a hell of a time getting our cans to the curb.  Look at all the snow!

snow 013

And it’s the wet “heart attack” snow.  It stuck to every branch like glue.

snow 020

Alright, I have to finish putting my lunch together – since I got home late last night there wasn’t time for me to make the dough, have time for it to rise and bake it, so I let the dough sit overnight and it’s just about to come out of the oven this morning.

We don’t have any plans this weekend, and I am okay with that.  I think just a weekend of relaxing is just what Tony and I need after this week.  And I may have to put Eddie’s toys away, they are tough to look at. Sad smile

Anyone have fun plans this weekend?  Make it a great day!


46 thoughts on “My Buddy

  1. Oh, Tony, Tony – I am not going to be the first and certainly won’t be the last of your friends to tell you that you are NOT responsible for ED’s death, no way, no how. You did the most loving and wonderful thing for your best friend. You gave him peace. A chance to go back to those fields, running free, by that magical Rainbow bridge. He’ll be waiting for you. I trust this.

    Yes, it is the hardest thing in the world, I know, any pet owner worth his weight in shed fur, knows – but we make promises to our dogs when we adopt them into our homes and that is to love, protect and honor them.

    You did ED the greatest of honor of all. You loved him enough to let him go.

    All my love to you all, always, Skippy {JG}

  2. 😦 I hope you guys start feeling better soon. Losing a pet is like losing a family member. It sucks.

    I have never heard the term “heart attack” used to describe snow but it’s a great phrase!

    • “Heart attack” snow is when its super wet and heavy – more people die in the winter of heart attacks from shoveling snow than any other time of year – crazy!

  3. I bet it will take a while to realize Ed isn’t around, you just can’t get someone, or an animal that is part of your family, out of your mindset so easily. We have a chihuahua and he isn’t a fan of kids either. He loves adults, but kids, not so much. Sorry about that killer of a commute, hope you have a relaxing weekend.

  4. Tony what a beautiful tribute to Ed.

    You made the right decision, let me tell you why. Our previous dog died at age 17 but since she was 15 or so she turned blind, couldn’t hold her pee up, she was exhausted from life. But egoistic as we were, we didn’t want to lose her, we kept her alive and let her struggle on till one day 3 years ago when I found her in our pond, drowned because she probably had a stroke and because she was blind she never saw the pond. We should have taken the decision you and Biz took too because in your case, you did what was best for Ed and not what was best for you.

    After Roussy died especially my husband said he didn’t want another dog. I said I would but not soon. We ended up with a pup after 3 months because I love having a dog around my house.

    Take care Tony, don’t feel guilty, you really did what was right for Ed.

  5. @ Biz, been thinking about you since I read about Ed, it doesn’t leave my thoughts. I hope you have a relaxing weekend with Tony because you both deserve it after this rough and tough week.

  6. Big hug to you both! Yesterday after reading Biz’ post I sat and had a good cry as I’ve been in your situation twice in the last few years. Our pets are truly members of our family. Take comfort in all your happy memories with Ed, he was a lucky dog to have such great “parents.”

  7. This is the third day I have read your posts and end up with tears streaming down my face. I do know the pain of having to put a beloved pet down, logic tells you you’ve done the right thing, but your heart speaks differently. Time will heal. Only time never seems to come fast enough. HUGS to both of you!!

  8. So sorry about your dog! Hang in there. So glad we don’t get that snow. Hope it clears soon.

  9. Since Fiver died January 2nd I have had at least 3 people tell me they have a dog for me. I’m not ready and I don’t know if I ever will be. It’s so darn sad! Try to remember Ed in those happy days of bounding from the car at the park…it will get better. I still miss Five but I know he had a very good life. He didn’t care much for kids either but the last couple of years he mellowed and seemed to like my grandsons ages 8 and 10.; he especially liked men and he didn’t see a lot of them. Hugs…you gave him a great life.

  10. Holy cow that’s some snow. I don’t miss the snow. Wow, 3 hours for 15 miles, you probably could have run/walked it faster. So frustrating.

    FYI, you were asking what my weekly grocery spending was … I answered you on my blog. It varies, but it’s an average of $125/wk.

    • I thought the same thing – I could walk faster! Thanks for answering my question – I was just curious! I don’t know if groceries are more expensive in California?

  11. This is crushing news. I am so sad about your dog Eddie and I have tears in my eyes as I read this. It is so hard to lose a pet and best friend. They take all of our mistakes, secrets, and bad days to the grave with them and love us all the more for being so imperfect. When I was lonely my dog was there, when I was in a bad mood the dog was there- they are so loving. I miss my dog all the time. May time heal you.

  12. omg, driving home from work yesterday was brutal . . . . and actually this morning’s commute wasn’t much better. I hope the roads are cleared more by the time I go home today. Ick.

    What a beautiful letter from your husband. Hope you two have a great weekend. 🙂

  13. Again, I am so sorry about Ed. Tony’s post made me smile a little – I dated Elmer Dorn’s grandson all through high school. Please tell Tony that Elmer’s grandson called him Pup and so I think he would have liked knowing that a dog was named after him 🙂

    • Even though Tony’s not ready to read these comments, I had to tell him yours – so crazy that you dated Elmer Dorn’s grandson!! And that he was called Pup?! So cool!

  14. Thinking of you both!

    So sorry about your 3 hour commute home – that’s ROUGH! With all the huge trees surrounding my house, I feel like I’m living in a snow globe.

    Have a wonderful weekend!

    • Thanks Courtney! I made rosemary bread and soup yesterday – when I had Tyler taste a piece of the bread, he sent me an email that said “I want your bread to be my pillow!”

  15. I had to put my cancer filled cat down recently after nearly 15 years together. I too felt guilt knowing I didn’t let nature take it’s course but I couldn’t bear to watch her suffer a minute longer. She will forever be in my heart just like Ed will be in yours. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    The quiche, stew, and tacos all took really delicious and have made my stomach rumble.

  16. I think Fran described it best – what you and Biz did for Ed was the right thing, even though you’re questioning yourself…you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t look back and wonder. It’ll take time, no doubt, to work through missing him. He was a good dog and I’ve always loved seeing his picture on the blog, or hearing stories about him. We are all sad he’s gone.

  17. Tony, that is a beautiful letter that you wrote to Eddie. What you and Biz did was for the best–there will always be questions and sometimes doubts creep up when you least expect it, but I do think that you ultimately gave Eddie peace and comfort, and that’s the best thing you and Biz can do.

    As for the snow–that is… wow. I’m a California girl and have only seen light snow, but that snow is somethin’ else!

    Keeping you and your family in my thoughts ❤

  18. Nicely done, Tony. It’s all there, every ounce of love for your dog is displayed up there. I know exactly what you mean.

    🙂 Marion

  19. What a wonderful tribute to Ed. I loved hearing the story of how you came about getting him and how his name was chosen too. You truly made the right decision for Ed. I can imagine the “what ifs” I think that is human nature but, he was having so many problems and this way he did not suffer. Take heart knowing he is once again running and playing with no problems.
    That sure was a long time to get home Biz! My hubs has to go to Grand Rapids today, about 3 hours away…we’ll see how long it takes. It is for training and they don’t cancel it. Myself, I am thrilled with the snow! First time I’ve had my snowmobile out in 2 or 3 years now!
    Have a warm, nice, relaxing weekend! xoxo

  20. I read your post about Ed and thought, “That’s so sad. I know our time will be coming soon!” However, I didn’t know how soon. We had to put down our black Lab, Bucky, yesterday. And I was looking in the refrigerator this morning, mentally noting what was in there too long and I thought “I’ll just give that to Bucky!” It’s sad, I’m right there with you!

    • Sending hugs your way too Jill – so sorry for your loss! I made spaghetti to go with my chili last night and kept thinking “Eddie loves spaghetti!”

  21. This made me cry all over again. I had to put 2 dogs down within 6 months. I’m so thankful we had gotten a puppy 3 week before we put the first one down. He’s been a lifesaver for me. He is the same breed as Harley( my 12.5yr old) and he reminds me so much of him. Someone told me that when one dog passes, their souls merge into the body of another pet. I do think that is true. Pamper yourselves this weekend. You both deserve it.

  22. Biz and Tony, Soooo sorry to hear about your beloved Ed. We had to put one of our cats down last year and it was heart wrenching. Still is. Just remember all the good times and it will help. They are part of the family and always have a special place in your hearts. Just relax and enjoy the memories.

  23. Unfortunately our dogs cannot say, ‘I am ready’. You did what was best for Ed. Pets are part of the family and our daily lives so give yourselves time to adjust and just ‘be’ as your new family.

  24. Geez…..3 days in a row you have made me cry again!!! I liked what Skippymom and Robin said, those were some good words.

    I felt the same way about our Hyko, wondering if we should have waited or not, One Dec 5th, we took him for one last walk, he loved going for rides, so the ride to the vet was not tramatic. They gave him the first shot to calm him then took him in the other room and gave him the second shot……I heard Hyko squeek (that broke my heart, cause I knew He didn’t want to go….he was such a fighter) Hyko had a bad heart, a tumor in his bladder and bad teeth and cataracs. Everything the vet said would kill him, didn’t. But it was that shot that put him to sleep that did it. I think he fought to the very end not to die.

    So I wonder if we did the right thing too, this is all still fresh in my mind cause it’s just 2 months since he died. I guess we all have the same feelings about things we love.

    I am glad we still have our Dog Kylie, it would sure be lonely around here without her.

    Food looks great, you guys try and have a good week-end.

  25. My heart goes out to you and Tony. I hope each day is a little better than the previous.

    Wow, that is some serious snow. I would be so frustrated if my commute home took that long, especially if the next day was a work day. Enjoy a cozy weekend at home.

  26. Awesome pork stew! And the snow is crazy over here too!!

  27. He hated you guys kissing and hugging?! LOL! I hope he was ticked off a lot-lol. Humping the person with a blanket on their back killed me. Oh you guys, this is so hard. Reminds me of the book Marley and Me (great book BTW) and how after they finally had to put him down, there were reminders of him around for so long, like finding fluffs of his hair in shoes they hadn’t worn in a while. 😥 Just like when a person dies, it takes time to really remember that he’s gone, doesn’t it? It’s gonna take some time, he sounds like he was really a part of the family, like any good dog would be. 🙂

    Biz I’m not jealous of your snow at all! Don’t give yourself a heart attack shoveling the drive!

  28. Oh I’m so very sorry about Eddie. My first dog ever is about to turn two and I already dread that moment. At least there are so many happy memories to reflect back on.

  29. Losing a pet is absolutely devastating. I’m so sorry. I hope you find some comfort soon.

  30. Weighting For 50

    Tony and Vat, so so sorry for the loss of beautiful Ed. (BTW, Ed is a GREAT dog name!) I can absolutely relate to the second guessing and guilt that comes from putting a pet down. When the emotions cool a bit, I hope you realize and are at peace knowing that you did what was kind for him, and you did the right thing!! I cracked up at him hating your affection and liking grapes!!! Cherish the memories, and take care of each other in that snow!!! Hugs to you both.

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